You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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