sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
