Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
