Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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