Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
