Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
