Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize