i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
