great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Someone came in the potted fern
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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