i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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