awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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