dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
