I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
