she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
