hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
