is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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