I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
