I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
