1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
