the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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