i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
