Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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