Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I love having hate sex.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
