so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
