There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize