he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
