Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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