Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
