I think I won the penis lottery.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
