Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
