Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If I die, sorry about rent.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
