The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
