Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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