I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
