Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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