i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
