no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize