how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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