You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
