I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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