i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize