life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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