It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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