I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
