sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
