We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i dont even know how to be here
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
