Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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