a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
