I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
