it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
