You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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