Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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