Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
