just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
