My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize