Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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