i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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