you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
