All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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