So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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