According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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