That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
