having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
