She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
