We're facebook friends in real life
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
