in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
