hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
