the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
pop tarts are not kleenex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
