Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
