A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize