how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
