Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
