do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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