If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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