I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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