I can text with my tongue
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
