dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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