her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
