No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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