And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
