Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
