I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
