this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
