my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
