You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
