I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize