i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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