Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
