i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
