I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I could make wine with my vomit
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
