I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
