he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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