I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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