eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And then he peed in my hair
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