I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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